Nicole vs. Life
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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