Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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