Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
