You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
