I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ladies don't puke and tell
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There's even glitter on my cock...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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