I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
