he looks like a really good dad on facebook
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
