when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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