It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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