Moan for me like Helen Keller
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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