Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
