So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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