Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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