i just wanna soil my oats bro
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
