you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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