Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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