once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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