Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm really busy with my period
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