Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
this is an emotional support booty call
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
