i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
