I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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