I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I need water and some morals
Randomize
