would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
