I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
