I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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