my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize