I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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