What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just found puke in my bra..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
