I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
