i will never coherently bang her
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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