You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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