i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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