Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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