Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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