the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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