I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
