oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
