You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
