My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
