Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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