i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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