dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
