I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
