my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
