When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
