Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
