...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
