u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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