I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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