She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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