Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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