Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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