if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Randomize
