Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
