I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
