im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
