Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
