She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
