WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
