That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
