Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
