So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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