How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
