we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
