do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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