just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
