The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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