come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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